Stagnation
by ambiguouslyme
Summary: "And the stars are the little lights that twinkle all night, just so we won't feel alone in the dark." -Ambertwo


Part I

He remembers the golden days of his childhood like they were only yesterday.

Summers and rainfalls play like a music box around him and he can almost taste the sweet sorrow that each memory brings. He basks in the fleeting warmth they offer and a grin slips across his face. It has been so long since he had allowed himself to let go and simply drift. So terribly long…

oOoOo

"Mommy," the woman turns from the sky and smiles when she sees her son by the door. She holds out her arms and the boy scampers over to her, his bare feet padding gently across the wooden boards.

"Yes, love?" she said it as a question, inviting the child in her arms to speak freely.

"I had a nightmare." It is said so quietly that she has to strain to hear. The woman sighs and runs a hand through her baby's charcoal hair. He peers up at her, his ruby eyes glistening with unshed tears and starlight, and she doesn't know what to do besides pulling him tighter to her chest. They sit in silence for a while before the woman finally asks.

"What did you dream about?" The boy shrugs and grabs her hand, playing with the ring on her finger.

"Green pushed me down today." The woman blinks in shock, unable to see how the two relate, but the boy continues before she can question him. "He told me that I'm not good enough. He says nobody loves me an' that's why Daddy left." He turns to look at her again and it is all she can do to keep the tears from falling. "I know Green's a liar, Mommy," he says as he rests his hand on her cheek. "You love me, so he lied," he feels the need to elaborate. Then the silence is back and the woman closes her eyes.

"I will always love you," she finally says. The boy in her arms just frowns.

"I _know_ that," he whispers as he pulls away to stand in front of her. "I know what he said wasn't true. But Daddy is _gone_, and I-" He shakes his head and rubs a hand across his eyes, fighting uselessly against the tears falling there. "Why did he have to go?"

"Oh, Red," his mother sighs as she moves to sit next to him on the edge of the porch. "Your daddy loved you very much."

"Then why did he leave?" The boy glares accusingly at his mother, and the woman feels her heart clench. She had hoped that this conversation would never come. She can't do this. She wraps an arm around her baby's shoulder and tries to find a way to explain it to him, finally allowing her tears to fall.

She remembers the day the man walked away like it was only yesterday. A part of her hates him, but another loves him so much that it hurts to even think of his face. "Your daddy had a dream," she says. Her son turns to look at her, and she knows she has to tell him. "He wanted to be a Pokémon master, and although he loved both of us very much, he couldn't stay any longer. He left to follow his dream, and he told me that once he beat the champion, he would return." Red frowns and kicks at the grass below his feet.

"What happened?" he finally asks. His mother sighs and rests her cheek upon his head, pulling him even further into her embrace.

"He got hurt one day, and no matter what anyone did, he never got better." The boy stills in her arms and looks up at his mother again, his eyes burning with innocence and fear of what he knows he will hear next. "That winter, in the middle of a snowstorm, your daddy left for good." Red nods and snuggles into his mother's side.

"He died," the boy whispers, and the woman can almost feel her heart break at the wounded look in her son's eyes. "Did he ever become champion?" Red asks. His mother just shakes her head, unable to from the words. Red frowns and grabs his mother's hand. He doesn't like it when she's sad. "Don't worry, Mommy," he whispers, "Miss Daisy said that even if people die they're always watching in the stars." His mother smiles at him when he says this, but there is a deep sorrow in her eyes that Red promises will be gone someday.

They spend the rest of the night watching the stars, and for just a moment, they pretend that they are okay.

oOoOo

The day he leaves for his journey is both the best and worst day of his life.

It's the best because he can finally leave Pallet Town behind.

It's the worst because when he leaves Pallet, he's leaving his mother too.

He doesn't know how long he's been standing in his mother's arms before he pulls away, but somehow it doesn't feel long enough. Red fights back the sadness that threatens his composure and grins. "Don't worry, Ma," he says. "I'll call you all the time." She clasps his hands in hers and smiles sadly.

"If you ever get lonely," she says as she straightens out his old cap for the fifth time, "just look at the stars and I'll be there." Red nods past the burning tears in his throat and as he turns to walk away, he can hear her crying. He doesn't look back.

He reaches the lab just as Professor Oak rounds the corner and smiles at the man, holding the door for him. The Professor thanks him, still breathing heavily from whatever he'd been doing, and Red follows him inside.

What happened next was a blur of excitement and insults from Green. He honestly can't believe that they'd ever been friends, but his mother has pictures above the fireplace to prove it. Sometimes, when she was out in the garden, he would look at those pictures and try to imagine what it would be like if they had never stopped being friends. He can't imagine there would be much of a difference, but his mother says that he'd probably smile more. He doesn't really do that enough, she always says. Though with the loss of his only friend, there hadn't really been much to smile about.

He is startled out of his thoughts by Green's loud voice asking, demanding really, for a battle. He stares down at the Pokémon he's received, a little Pikachu, and allows a grin to settle on his lips before nodding to Green, accepting his challenge. He isn't going to lose this battle, and someday, he's going to be the champion.

He just knows it.

oOoOo

Sometimes it's easy to forget that Green is a year older, Red thinks as he refrains from rolling his eyes at another lame insult. Pikachu stares up at him, practically begging for Red's permission to shock the other trainer, but Red shakes his head with a grin. Instead, he just watches as Green stalks towards the Pokémon Center.

Not once has Red lost to Green, though the other boy always seems to get there first. Every time Red checks the list of trainers who've defeated the gym leader, he knows he will find Green's signature waiting. It's somewhat annoying, and the Slowpoke jokes had gotten old fast, but Red really doesn't care if the other boy's name is first as long as his is there too.

Besides, Red thinks as he continues towards the Nugget Bridge, he is having too much fun on his journey to even consider skipping out on exploring just to get to the next city faster. Once he reaches the end of the bridge, Red turns to walk towards Bill's house when the man he's just defeated grabs his arm. He stares at the hand, fighting the urge to slap it away, before turning his gaze on the man.

"You're pretty strong, kid. What's your name?" Red just stares at him from under his cap, knowing and enjoying the fact that his red eyes were definitely freaking the man out. The hand on his arm falls away and Red glances down to see his Ivysaur and Pikachu glaring up at the creep as well. The man grunts and steps back, tossing Red a card. "Ever heard of Team Rocket?" he asks once he gets out of immediate range. He can't stop the smirk when the man backs away, Red is pretty sure Pikachu can still shock his brains out, not to mention Ivysaur's vine whip.

Instead of replying, Red just turns around before tucking the card into his pocket. From what he saw of the piece of paper it was a business card, and he has no intention of doing business with Team Rocket.

oOoOo

Red glares down at the glowing tile before sighing and stepping on it, bracing himself for his next location. He opens the door in front of him and is only slightly surprised to see Giovanni standing before him. He wonders absently if he should be worried that the sight of Team Rocket's boss left him with nothing but annoyance at the incredibly complicated building. He brushes that thought away, however, when the man stands and offers his hand to shake.

Red is sorely tempted to spit on said hand, but instead he shakes it firmly, keeping his face blank so as to not anger the man before him. He has a feeling that getting the man too mad would not be beneficial for his health. Giovanni moves from behind the desk and Red tenses, only to release his breath when Pikachu flicks his tail across his back, a silent but strong signal. He isn't alone here.

"Well, Red," the man says as he leans back against the desk, his arms folded casually and a smirk on his lips, "I can't exactly say that I'm too excited to see you again." Red grins before catching himself and glaring at the insult, though he has to admit that Giovanni was much better at it than Green. He wonders what his rival would do if he shared that thought, and almost snickers before focusing again.

He refuses to answer any of Giovanni's questions, and soon the battle begins. It goes rather quickly compared to his most recent battle with Green, but he couldn't really blame the man for that. Blastoise has always done well against ground types. His lack of calling commands could've been considered an advantage as well, but Red knows that it wouldn't have turned out any different even if he had spoken to his Pokémon.

Red remains poised for battle even as Giovanni's last Pokémon falls, and is incredibly shocked at how gracefully the man accepts defeat. He had expected some feeble threats at the least, but he can't complain. He's never really liked being threatened, after all.

Once he's returned Blastoise to his Poké Ball and Giovanni disappears, the man behind the couch jumps up with a relieved smile. He runs over to Red and shakes his hand vigorously, thanking him all the while. Finally, Red manages to pry his hand away only for the man to hand him a Master Ball before thanking him once more and letting him leave the building in peace.

Red glances down at Pikachu once they step into the sunshine and grins as he watches his friend study the people walking past with a curious gaze. He shakes his head and pulls out the phone his mom had given him the day before he left on his journey.

"Hey Mom," he says as he tugs at a lock of his hair, "you'll never believe what I just did."

oOoOo

Red watches his team with a smile as they frolic around the beach. It's a strange sight to see, as Charizards do not usually frolic, but as he falls back to lie in the sand, he can't help but enjoy the peace. He looks up when he feels a weight settle on his stomach and grins as he reaches out to run his and down Espeon's back. Espeon purrs and pushes his head against Red's chest before staring deep into his eyes.

"What is it?" he asks, laughter clear in his voice. Espeon just curls his tail around his wrist and hops away, pulling him to his feet. He looks up at him pleadingly, and all Red can do is laugh and agree to join in the game of tag his Pokémon are currently playing.

He begins to regret his decision when Charizard tackles him for the eleventh time. He knows that the Pokémon is being careful, but it's still a bit frightening to see a giant orange lizard coming after you. He gasps when he's thrown into the air and closes his eyes, bracing himself for the impact with the ground when he's snatched out of the air and rolled gently onto his friend's back.

He opens his eyes slowly and an awed smile stretches over his face as he wraps his arms around Charizard. He rests his head against the Pokémon's neck and laughs as Charizard brings them higher. He looks down at the beach to see his team watching them fly, well, most of them are watching. Snorlax is asleep. Charizard roars, making Red jump, and he clings even tighter to his neck. The Pokémon looks back at him, a proud glint in its eyes, and Red laughs again. He can't help but think that it's moment like these that make the entire journey worth it.

He flips onto his back as Charizard begins to glide in lazy circles and sighs. He reaches a hand out towards the sky, watching as the sun is slowly swallowed by the ocean, and his smile fades to a tired grin. He wishes he could just stay here forever, soaring above the earth with no worries. Then he hears the sounds of his team resuming their game and he knows that he could never leave them behind. So he just closes his eyes and pulls his hand back to his chest.

He scratches lightly at his friend's wing joint and allows himself, just for a moment, to get lost among the stars. For the first time in years he wonders if his dad would be proud of him.

oOoOo

He's done it.

He's defeated Green and the Elite four. He's the Champion.

Red stares across the empty room and waits for the feeling of accomplishment to set in. He's wanted to be champion for so long, and now that he's finally done it, he has nowhere to go. He looks down at Pikachu and frowns. He doesn't know what to do anymore.

As if sensing his troubled thoughts, his friend hops up onto his shoulders and curls around his neck. Red reaches up to scratch the fur under his partner's ear and grins as Pikachu flicks his tail against his back. Venusaur looks up from its nap in the corner and grins at him, as if adding his own assurance to Pikachu's.

Red just shakes his head after nodding his thanks and makes his way over to the window. He rests his forehead against the glass and sighs as Pikachu hops down into his arms. Why wasn't he happy? He's champion now, he has everything he'd wanted growing up.

Why isn't it enough?

He's even feeling a little guilty; though he knows there isn't anything to be guilty about, really. He beat Green fair and square. He deserves the title because his Pokémon are stronger. And yet, he still can't shake the feeling that something is wrong.

He wonders what his mother thinks of his accomplishments, and he thinks about what his father might say if he were still alive. His gaze drifts to the stars above him, and for the first time in a long time, Red lets himself cry.


End file.
